The Most Important Driving Skill: Knowing Yourself

Learning to drive has taught me a lot of things, but I'd say the most important lesson I have learned is when to hand over the keys. 

Having ADHD and anxiety has made getting my driver's license an interesting journey. I am not begging my parents for the keys so I can fly onto the open road. Rather than being an aggressive driver, I am the polar opposite. I am timid and double check things. I worry and I am absolutely aware that I am in control of a several-thousand-pound machine surrounded by other similar machines and am moments away from disaster at any given time. 

I am learning. Driver's education is important because driving safely requires much more than knowing the mechanics of the car. A driver needs to understand traffic laws, recognize dangerous situations, anticipate what other drivers might do, and make good decisions in an instant. Those vital skills can prevent crashes and save lives.

I wish driver's education also taught another important skill-knowing yourself. For me, that means knowing my brain and how it operates with ADHD and anxiety. Most people know that ADHD affects focus. They might not realize it also affects impulse control, memory, and the ability to filter distractions. Those are all important skills for driving! I do take medication to help manage my ADHD, but it does not last forever. If it's late in the day and my medication has worn off, it's not safe for me to get behind the wheel. If I add exhaustion to the mix, that creates an unnecessary risky situation on the road both for me, and other drivers. 

I have learned to ask myself before I get behind the wheel-Am I in good condition to drive safely? Sometimes the answer is no, and that is ok!

I am not embarrassed to ask a friend or my parents to drive. I can wait until morning or make other plans-independence does not mean stubbornly insisting that I have to do everything myself. Sometimes independence is having enough wise judgment to recognize when I need help.

My dad also has significant challenges due to his ADHD, and I have seen how this can affect his driving. If the family is talking, music is playing, and there's a lot of traffic on the road, that's a lot for his brain to sort through. This doesn't mean people with ADHD shouldn't drive. It does mean that we need to understand ourselves and build healthy habits to make our driving safer like getting enough sleep, taking medication consistently, and being honest with ourselves about when it's ok to drive. 

Good driver's education can reduce deaths by teaching young drivers to understand that driving is a skill that needs full attention and minimal distractions. We can also reduce accidents by making responsible choices seem normal instead of embarrassing. Wearing a seat belt should be normal. Putting your phone away should be normal. Refusing to ride with someone who is impaired should be normal. Not texting and driving should be normal. Asking someone else to drive when you are exhausted, distracted, or unable to focus should be normal too.

My anxiety adds another layer. Sometimes anxiety makes me overly cautious, and I get stuck inside my head, but I am learning the difference between healthy caution and letting fear control me. I don't want anxiety to keep me from learning an important life skill. Driving gives people freedom to get to work, college, appointments, church, activities, and eventually wherever adult life takes me. As someone who hopes to become a special education teacher, that independence will matter. I will need to get myself to work. I will need to participate in my community. I don't expect my parents to drive me around for the rest of my life. 

I am becoming more comfortable behind the wheel while knowing my brain's capacity to focus and be safe. I am learning that confidence does not have to mean being fearless. A confident driver can still be cautious and drive defensively. A responsible driver can still ask for help. I can personally make the roads safer by taking care of myself before I ever turn the key. It means putting distractions away and paying attention to how I am feeling. Most importantly, it means being willing to say, “Maybe I shouldn't drive right now.”

I can encourage my friends to do the same-If someone is exhausted, distracted, upset, or otherwise not in a good condition to drive, there should be no shame in handing over the keys or asking for a ride. I would much rather inconvenience someone for twenty minutes than make a decision that could change someone's life forever.

Learning to drive with ADHD and anxiety has made me realize that freedom and responsibility are connected. Getting my license represents independence. It means more choices, more opportunities, and eventually fewer texts to my parents asking, “Can you pick me up?” It also means having a license does not mean I should drive every time I technically can. Real adult independence is knowing myself well enough to make that decision. Sometimes freedom means taking the keys. Sometimes wisdom means handing them to someone else.