The Small Exceptions

I am not driving on my own yet, but I have already become a backseat driving instructor.

My main student is my dad.

“Dad, you’re speeding.”

“Dad, don’t answer that.”

“Dad, put your phone down.”

I am sure he appreciates having his teenage daughter supervise him from the passenger seat. But watching him—and other drivers—has taught me something important before I even have my own license: dangerous driving does not always begin with someone deciding to do something obviously reckless.

Usually, it starts with a small exception.

It is just one text. I am only going a little over the speed limit. I will look at my phone for one second. There are no cars coming. I am running late. I have driven this road a thousand times.

Nothing happens, so you do it again.

That is what makes small exceptions dangerous.

As I get closer to driving independently, I have started paying much more attention to what happens behind the wheel. I have realized that safe driving is not simply knowing how to steer, brake, park, or pass a road test. It is developing habits that keep you from making those exceptions in the first place.

That is why driver education matters.

New drivers obviously need to learn the rules of the road, but I think they also need to understand the reasons behind those rules. A speed limit is not an annoying number on a sign. Following distance is not something to memorize for a test and then forget. Putting away your phone is not a rule that applies only when traffic is heavy.

Driver education can teach us what can happen in the few seconds we take our eyes off the road. It can prepare us for bad weather, unexpected stops, pedestrians, aggressive drivers, and situations we have never experienced before. The first time something goes wrong should not be the first time we have thought about what to do.

But education only works if we actually use it.

Everyone knows texting and driving is dangerous. I doubt many drivers would argue otherwise. The harder problem is that people are very good at convincing themselves that what they are doing does not really count.

That is what I have noticed from the passenger seat.

Sometimes a work message comes through on my dad’s phone. His job can be demanding, so the message may actually be important. But I remind him not to answer it while he is driving. Other times I notice the speedometer creeping up and tell him to slow down.

I am not doing it because I think my dad is a bad driver. I do it because good drivers can make bad decisions.

That may be one of the most important lessons I have learned.

We sometimes talk about dangerous drivers as though they are completely different from the rest of us. But most people who make a dangerous decision probably did not get into their car planning to hurt someone. They became distracted, rushed, impatient, or too comfortable.

Then they made an exception.

Reducing deaths on the road means attacking those habits before they become normal. Driver education is part of that. Seat belts, speed limits, laws against impaired and distracted driving, and safer cars matter too. But parents and experienced drivers also have a responsibility because teenagers learn from watching them long before we take driver’s education.

If adults tell teenagers never to use a phone while driving but regularly check their own phones behind the wheel, the lesson we actually learn is that the rule has exceptions.

Young drivers also have to stop thinking that being a good driver means proving how confident we are.

I play varsity sports, and sports have taught me something about preparation. We practice fundamentals over and over because during a game everything happens too quickly to stop and think through every decision. Eventually, our habits take over.

Driving seems very similar to me.

I want to build the right habits before I am ever alone behind the wheel.

My phone will stay out of my hands. Everyone in my car will wear a seat belt before I start moving. I will follow the speed limit even when I am late. I will leave enough space between my car and the one ahead of me. If the weather is bad, I will slow down. If I am tired or uncomfortable driving, I will ask for help rather than pretending I can handle it.

And when my friends are passengers, I will remember that I am responsible for more than myself.

I also want to continue doing something I already do: speak up.

Being a passenger does not mean I have no responsibility for what happens in the car. If a friend reaches for a phone while driving, I will say something. If someone has been drinking, I will not get into the car with them. If another new driver feels pressured to drive faster than they are comfortable driving, I want to be the friend who says getting there safely matters more than getting there quickly.

That might be uncomfortable sometimes.

So is telling your dad to slow down.

I have survived that so far.

The biggest danger with small exceptions is that most of the time, nothing happens. Someone checks a phone and does not crash. Someone speeds and gets home safely. Someone rolls through a stop sign and there is no other car coming.

So they do it again.

Eventually, something that once felt like breaking a rule does not feel wrong anymore. It becomes a habit.

I want to build the opposite habits.

Getting my license will give me freedom. I will eventually be able to drive myself to school, practices, games, work, and wherever else I need to go. I am excited about that independence.

But the driver’s seat comes with something else too: responsibility.

My decisions will affect my passengers, other drivers, pedestrians, cyclists, and people I will never meet. Driver education can teach me how to operate a car safely, but ultimately I will have to make the right choice every time I get behind the wheel.

Fortunately, I have already had plenty of practice reminding someone else to make that choice.

Sorry, Dad.

No small exceptions.