When I was a junior in high school (1991), I was invited to a party with some friends who were seniors.
They were graduating the next day and wanted to celebrate. I was going to attend the graduation and a family party at one of their homes. Because of the family party, my best friend and I opted to not attend the party. To this day, I am forever grateful we stayed in.

On the morning of the graduation, I woke up to the phone ringing (landline). I answered and said hello. My best friend was crying and said, “Shane’s dead, and Joe is in the hospital.” Since it was early and I wasn’t fully aware of what was happening, I informed her that no, they were probably just at the school getting ready for their graduation. Just then my call waiting rang. I answered the other and was told the same information by another person.

Here is what I was told happened.

Shane and Joe had attended the party the night before that we were supposed to go to. Shane was supposed to have picked us up on his way.

As with any typical high school party at this time, with this group of friends, there was underage drinking. Shane and Joe drank. A lot.

Joe left the party early. On his way home, he was speeding on the freeway and for some reason, slammed on his brakes, rolled his truck, and ended up in the hospital in critical care. Seatbelts were not required to be worn at the time. They were highly recommended but not mandatory. The passenger in the car with him, was taken to the hospital, treated for a broken arm, and released. She was wearing her seatbelt. Joe missed his graduation ceremony.

Shane also took someone home. After dropping off his friend, Shane continued his way home. He was speeding along the city streets. He came to very sharp turn where it was recommended to almost come to a complete stop before turning with the road. It is believed that Shane did not slow down. He hit the concrete wall head on, at over 35 mph. He was not wearing his seatbelt. He would have flown through the windshield, had the wall not impeded his trajectory. He died on impact. Shane was 18.

Every year our school brought onto campus a car that was in a drinking and driving accident to teach the students of the dangers of driving under the influence. The fall semester after Shane’s death, a car arrived on campus. It was Shane’s. The car I was supposed to be in on that fatal night. The front end was smashed in so much that the dashboard had come unattached. The blood and glass had all been removed, but the demolished car spoke volumes.

To say that seeing his car, shook me to the core, is an understatement. I had to leave school and the car was removed after school that day.

As a teenager, we think we are invincible and nothing bad will ever happen to us. We don’t listen to our parents because “they don’t know what it’s like” in today’s world. In this instance, I am glad I listened to their advice to stay home that night!

We didn’t have cell phones, GPS monitors, and TVs in our cars then. Speed limits were lower, and cars were built out of metal, not fiberglass. With school programs like D.A.R.E., Officer Friendly, and Driver’s Education in the schools, we had more information and resources to learn about the dangers of driving under the influence than our parents did, but as kids, we never think it will happen to us. I remember when adults could legally have an open beer and drive! Thankfully many new safety laws have been put in place since then.

A few years ago, my stepdaughter went through a driver’s training program. It was one on one with an instructor, as this is no longer offered at her school. She worked through online tests and quizzes, read the manual repeatedly, spent hours behind the wheel with the teacher and with us. We also showed her movies about drinking and driving, gave her tips on how and where to store her cell phone, how to use the hands-free options on our cars, and some other safety tips that girls, especially, need to know to remain safe.

The laws in our city are very strict for drivers under the age of 18. They limit the hours you can be on the road, the number of passengers you are allowed to have in the vehicle with you, as well as the age restriction of those passengers. In addition to the city and state laws, we also had our own family laws. One of these laws was if you ever could not drive, for whatever reason, she was to call us. We would pick her up, no questions asked at the time, however there would be a conversation the next day to discuss what transpired.

What steps can be done to prevent another accident like Shane’s? In my opinion, there is nothing more we can do but hope that our kids listen to our advice, follow the laws, and either don’t put themselves in situations like Shane’s or have a support system that can help them if they get into a situation that could lead to trouble.

I believe, as adults, we need to lead by example. I never drink and drive, always wear my seatbelt, don’t speed, never text while driving, and won’t even change the music on my phone app until I come to a complete and safe stop. Maybe if more adults not only taught their kids how to drive responsibly, but acted as they directed, more kids would follow their lead.