I have had a fear of driving for nearly 17 years. My fear was brought on when I had received a disturbing phone call. A boyfriend, who I was dating off and on throughout high school, was hit by a car in our Senior Year and nearly died. He spent a month in a coma and four months in a rehabilitation facility. He was able to go home five months after the accident.
There was a key take away from that accident and watching the intense therapeutic recovery. I have learned that not only do I not want to responsible for anyone’s death, but I also do not want to be behind a weapon. Being behind a wheel, the brain can be triggered and then all the sudden, it does not matter who is in the car with you, the vehicle is turned into a weapon.
It took me nearly 10 years to get over the fear of driving. I had moved to another state, that was not Arizona, where the DMV has three prescreening questions are asked. The first question I was asked, “Do you have a fear of driving?” I had answered honestly, and I was told I would not be allowed to take any written or road tests without overcoming that fear. At the time, I did not know how I was supposed to “get over” the fear. I had worked in a grocery store, and I had police and police cadets come up to my register all the time. I had asked one of them one day how I was supposed to overcome my fear of driving. They had told me to find a vehicle I am most comfortable operating. Once I felt comfortable to operate, I then had to drive small distances 2.5-5.0 miles from my residential addresses and repeat only the roads I know. I was also told, if I could drive 10+ miles without fear, I could then say I had overcome my fear. I had done that, but it all went to waste.
I returned to Arizona, and I received my learner's permit less than a year after I returned. However, the more I was behind the wheel in Arizona, the more I felt that I did not have an interest. Even with the permit, I hardly felt like driving. It was fun in the beginning but after I automatically failed my first ever road test, I no longer found it fun. I just found it work and did not have a tolerance for it. When I shattered my patella and let my permit expire, I never had a desire to go back for it.
Two years after my knee healed, I discovered the public bus. While riding the bus, I have seen the Division of Motor Vehicles, but I never had the desire to walk into one. I honestly just do not have the desire to get back behind the wheel. All my family members and even therapists are pressuring me to get my license which is just turning me off even more. I am not going to get something or do something unless I want to, and it is how I want to do it. If I do not want to drive, I am not going to drive, it is that simple. If I say, “No,” then, it will be just that until I turn around and say, “Yes.”
Yes, I overcame my fear of driving, but I choose to no longer pursue with getting my license. If I really wanted my license, I would have gotten back on the horse and took the written test after my knee completely healed but I did not. I have been doing this now for two years. I am ignoring the pressure of getting my license and using the bus. Besides, there are some places I go that are easier to get to by bus rather than by car. However, it takes longer to get there.
In conclusion, even though I have overcome my fear and my knee has healed, I just simply choose to not have a license or a car. There are downfalls to not having one, but I am happy living with those downfalls for now. Maybe one day, I will get tired of the bus and may try again but right now, I have my intention is simply ignoring what I do not have and focusing on what I do have. I was eligible for a license 18 years ago. I tried and failed multiple times and took a 10-year break and tried one more time. After successfully passing the written driver's test and failing another, I will take another break and focus on other things and then maybe try again when I am ready to do so.