Sonder: “the feeling one has on realizing that every other individual one sees has a life as full and real as one's own,” (Dictionary.com). A sensation I experience often is sonder, which I like to also call “drive-through syndrome.” This is because I most often feel this way while I’m simply picking up some fast food, usually during my lunch hour at school. I look around from the person in front of me to the parked cars that once carried, to the person who takes my order (occasionally) eagerly in the ordering lane. It is at this moment I feel it most overwhelmingly, largely because of the coincidence that everyone just so happens to be in one place.
Why connect sonder with driver education? Why connect sonder with driving at all, other than my seemingly silly phrase?
This feeling of sonder, realizing that every driver on the road has their own life and struggles, makes me think about how important driver education is. It’s not just about learning how to steer, brake, or follow traffic signs; it’s about understanding the responsibility of being behind the wheel.
There has been, in my observation, a great detachment from the idea of someone behind the wheel. You get angry, frustrated, and completely overtaken in a rage by the white Ram truck breathing down the back of your neck. You catch yourself swearing words that would surely make you eat soap as you brake check the Subaru with all of the eccentric stickers on the back. But is there once a thought to the person behind the windshield? More so, the people you cannot see in the car with them.
This ability to slow down and recognize the heartbeat in the car, the life force behind the gas tank, is game-changing. Every moment when I can feel my blood boil with road rage, with careless senselessness, I look back in my rearview. I see the mother with smudgy mascara and a messy bun, the father with a day's work emitting off his face. I see the grandmother, who has a grandchild in the backseat who is still not old enough to call her MeMe. This recognition of humanity puts the world in slow motion.
I have been fortunate, at the time of writing this, to never be in an accident. But, I have been the passenger seat accomplice to unsafe behaviors.
I grew up with a father who was keen on smoking, and I remember squinting over the dash through the fog. I remember thinking there was no way he could be thinking straight because the music was too loud for him to hear me ask him to stop. People claim in confidence they are safe to drive risky if it is the only way they drive. Creatures of habit, we are, so we can set the safety line. The same father was an avid texter, and I remember getting older and being so grateful to have opposable thumbs to help him with his work.
The first time I ever typed a curse word was while we were driving through Tennessee. We’d been on some sort of father-daughter escapade, and it was the first time I ever tried Dairy Queen. On the road home, he was on and off the phone with business partners, and I recognized names my mother didn’t approve of. As he grew more irritated, the direction of the car grew more undeterminable, and the country roads had rocks flying toward my window. I had been scared like this before when we drove, but in my older age, I was able to face the why.
Looking back on those moments, I realize that driver education should do more than teach rules—it should address the dangers of common bad habits like texting or driving distracted. If my dad had learned how dangerous these behaviors were, maybe he would have been more mindful behind the wheel.
No matter how confident you may be in your driving, the people on the road do not feel the same comfort. They do not experience the same relief as you narrowly dodge their car. Risky swerves and speed dips send an effect through the whole lane of traffic.
Driver education should focus on teaching people how to handle distractions, like turning off their phones or keeping their focus on the road. It should also stress the importance of defensive driving, which means staying aware of the unpredictable actions of other drivers and avoiding risky situations.
In the end, understanding sonder—the realization that every driver has their own life, struggles, and responsibilities—can be a game changer when it comes to road safety. Driver education needs to go beyond teaching the basic rules of the road; it should also help people understand the emotional side of driving. If we can learn to recognize the humanity of the people behind the wheel, it will encourage us to drive more responsibly, more empathetically, and with greater awareness.