Saturday morning, late spring, cold chair, surrounded by teenagers, crammed into one, small room, eight hours long. When I look back on my driver’s ed class that is what comes to my mind. Not because the class was unimportant or boring, but because I zoned out most of the information, assuming I already knew everything. I had practiced driving before, and I felt confident in myself. More specifically, I knew the dangers of driving, and I knew them all too well.
It was not until early middle school that I discovered the somber truth about my extended family member. How I found out, and the exact time it happened has since been a blur to me, but the facts have always stuck. My father’s cousin Nick, someone I barely even knew, was in prison for killing multiple people in a car accident while driving under the influence of both drugs and alcohol. He had been in prison for many years, and it was clear to me that he would be there much longer. It felt strange to me that someone I was connected to, though distantly, had done something so horrible. Innocent lives lost, all in minutes, because of one unsafe driver. Those people never got a second chance, one moment defined the rest of their lives. Even amidst these appalling thoughts, I could not help but feel sorry for Nick–that he would have to live in guilt and shame for the rest of his life because of one horrific mistake. I continued to feel this way throughout my life, even though the guilt of this crept its way into my soul. I did not think about Nick very often, but when I did it was hard to put each piece of the puzzle together. The truth was, I knew that Nick was a good person just from the way others spoke about him. He was turning his life around, even behind bars. I could not imagine what his parents (my great aunt and uncle) had to go through all those years ago, and still to this day. To have someone you love make such a grave mistake that there's no coming back from. My grandmother would write Nick notes every week, and I could see her suffering was put to ease through those words on the paper. Just being able to write to him brought her peace and hope. No one in my family ever shamed Nick, though we still hold him accountable. Seeing all of these small interactions throughout the years illustrated that unsafe driving does not just hurt the people that are involved, but the hurt extends to families, friends, and even strangers.
A few years later, I heard the shocking news that my uncles’ parents, people I was not very close to but I had been around, had died in a car accident as a result of a drunk driver. I remember the mournful, lonesome expression on my uncle's face that first Christmas he had to spend without his parents. I sympathized with his pain, knowing that holidays would be this way from there on out. Furthermore, I noticed something in that moment that I had not really connected in my head until now. My uncle was not angry, he did not have an ounce of resentment on his face. Sure, he was not ecstatic or even perfectly content, but he did not display any sort of hatred. I was confused how my uncle was not distraught or vengeful for the person that had killed his parents. Growing up Catholic, I had always known the teaching of “love your enemies.” God wants to take the weight off our souls and forgive those who have wronged us. It took me a good amount of maturing to realize that my uncle, being a pious and loving man, gave up his suffering for the Lord, and eased his pain with forgiveness.
When I connect these two events that have happened in life, I can vividly see both perspectives. One side is the tremendous loss of loved ones, and the grief that follows after. The other is the consequence of making extremely poor decisions. Both perspectives hurt people, both change lives forever. Nick was released from prison a year and a half ago. From meeting him, I can already tell you how great of a person he has become. He is strong in his faith, he works hard, and he cares for his family and loved ones more than anything. Now, he has a job, an apartment, and a new life. None of this could have been possible without the power of forgiveness, and Nick, myself, and my family are beyond thankful.
So no, I didn’t experience either of these things first-hand. However, I saw the effects of unsafe driving play out into the lives of others, as well as the consequences of the driver themselves. I saw grief and resentment, but most importantly I saw the strength of forgiveness. Once again, when I look back on my drivers ed class, I wish my young, adolescent self would have paid more attention. I believe that everyone should give their full attention to driving safely not only for the sake of themselves and other people on the roads, but for the countless lives that could be affected. Every time I get in my car, click my seatbelt, and put my car into reverse, I think about Nick and my uncle. They remind me each and every time the importance of driving safely, and I know I will carry that with me for the rest of my life. As a society, it is vital we care for each other’s safety on the roads, but it is also important to have mercy for those who have made mistakes. We cannot change the past, the only thing we can do for those people now is help them be better for themselves and for others. We are not living in a perfect world, with perfect societies or perfect people, but we are living for people other than ourselves, and that privilege should be taken with compassion.