Asleep at the Wheel, Awakened by Reality

Motor vehicle crashes kill over 120 people every day. I had an experience that almost resulted in me being part of that statistic. Words cannot describe how much guilt, shame, and fear the crash added to my life. If there is one point I would like to get across, it is to please. Never. Drive. Drowsy.

It was the night of September 22. Just returning from a trip, I was jetlagged to the moon, so I took a nap and started the drive back thinking I could power through the fatigue. But when I fell asleep at the wheel, everything changed in an instant. The shattering of glass, the deafening silence that followed, waking up to a totaled car, unaware of what had just happened were the moments that forced me to confront my own limits and my reckless behavior. That night, I didn’t just walk away from a car crash—I walked away from the person I was before, with a renewed sense of responsibility, reflection, and determination to become someone better.

I had just gotten back from a 2 weeklong vacation in Italy. I had a layover in the airport, had gotten a minimum amount of sleep but the nap had me energized and ready to go. I was at my parents’ house in Kaysville, anxious to get back to Logan for my exam the next day. I made a playlist to sing along to the whole drive back. I remember singing along, feeling wide awake. With no sign of exhaustion, no eyes drooping, no delayed reactions, I let my guard down too soon. Just 5 minutes from my apartment, in the blink of an eye, literally, I nodded off. The next thing I knew, I was dreaming I was on a bus in Italy thinking about the bus driver crashing, worried about our luggage flying forward and hitting us. Pretty soon I realized I was the bus driver, and this was my car that was crashing. I wasn’t sure if I was alive at first, the air thick with dust and the scent of burning rubber. In that terrifying moment, I realized that my carelessness could have cost me my life. Even worse, I could have hurt others. It was a hard, sobering realization that forced me to face the gravity of my actions.

After the crash, I was shaken—not just physically, but mentally. Though I wasn’t injured, I carried an overwhelming sense of guilt. How could I have been so careless? How had I let myself get so exhausted that I risked my own life and the lives of others? For weeks, I struggled with shame and remorse. I replayed the events in my mind over and over, questioning why I hadn’t listened to my body when it was telling me to stop. The guilt felt suffocating. I couldn’t escape the fact that my actions had been reckless, and the consequences could have been devastating.

After the crash, I knew I needed to take responsibility for my actions, but I also knew that staying in a cycle of guilt wouldn’t help anyone—not me, not my family, not the people who cared about me. I began to reflect deeply on the choices I had been making leading up to the accident. I realized that I wasn’t just exhausted physically; I was also mentally burnt out. It being my first week of college, I was having a hard time adjusting. I had been ignoring my own well-being in favor of pushing through for the sake of pressure to be involved and start of semester responsibilities. In that moment, I understood that my health—both physical and mental—was not something I could take for granted. I made a commitment to myself that I would never again ignore the signs my body gave me, and that I would prioritize self-care and mindfulness moving forward.

I knew I had to take immediate action to ensure that I didn’t let this moment define my future. I sought counseling to talk through my feelings of guilt and anxiety, and to better understand why I had let myself get so overwhelmed. I also started prioritizing my health—setting aside time to rest, eat well, and be more intentional. I implemented better time management practices to ensure I didn’t overextend myself. I also participated in a safe driving course, set up a dr. appointment to get tested for a sleep disorder, and shared my story with as many people as I could. By sharing my story, I not only wanted to raise awareness but also hold myself accountable. Falling asleep at the wheel is just one of the many reasons for a motor vehicle collision. No matter what the reason, reducing the number of collisions on the road is one of our main goals. I knew that if I could help others avoid making at least my same mistake, it would help me find peace.

Though the crash was one of the scariest experiences of my life, it also taught me some of the most valuable lessons I could have learned. I now understand the importance of listening to my body and of setting boundaries. I’ve learned that responsibility means more than just taking care of others—it means taking care of myself, too. Not only listening to your physical symptoms but using critical thinking and mindfulness to make the best decisions possible. I’ve also realized the power of vulnerability. Sharing my story has not only helped me heal, but it’s also allowed me to connect with others in a way that I never would have before. I’m no longer someone who hides from mistakes; I’m someone who learns from them and uses them to grow.

The crash was a wake-up call, and while it was a traumatic experience, it has reshaped who I am today. I am more mindful of my decisions, and more focused on maintaining my mental and physical health. As I continue my education and pursue my career goals, I carry these lessons with me. I want to use my experiences to help others, whether by advocating for safe driving or by working in a field where I can make a positive impact. This scholarship will allow me to continue my journey of growth and service, and I am determined to honor the second chance I’ve been given by using my story to inspire others.