Grief Behind The Wheel; A Call for Comprehensive Drivers Education

“Grief isn’t like a math ruler. It doesn’t go in a straight line.”As a stage actor, this should be just another line I deliver. My cadence and tone altering to make light of a dark conversation that had gone on for far too long. In the scene, I’m talking to a 12-year-old girl, explaining to her that feeling grief over the loss of her grandmother is okay, and is a healthy, natural feeling. “But grief would mean I’m sad all time” Ella asks, taking a seat on our makeshift set. “You could be sad one minute, and the next minute something else triggers you and all of a sudden you’re on the floor laughing.” I respond, my eyes upturned trying desperately to connect to my scene partner.

“Oh, good grief! She laughs, her response rehearsed. The entire scene is rehearsed. It’s thoughtless, easy even. It flows like any other scene when an actor finds their groove. “Right, what do people do when they grieve?” Ella asks, her entire attention focused on me. This sentence right here pulls me out of the scene. I’m no longer an actor in a brightly colored costume performing a show. I’m just me. A student, an actor, a sister, a daughter, a friend who is helpless to help as she watches others experience grief.

Grief is an unrelenting force, one that sweeps over families and communities like a storm, leaving shattered lives in its wake. I’ve witnessed firsthand, standing at a distance as two families in my community were thrust into the depths of sorrow due to avoidable driving tragedies. One was the family of a sweet soul who was the victim of a reckless choice behind the wheel; the other, the loved ones of a pedestrian whose life was cut short by another’s moment of negligence. Their pain, though observed from afar, left a mark on me and reinforced the critical role driver education plays in preventing such heartbreak.

“Grief isn’t like a math ruler, it doesn’t go in a straight line.” I repeat to myself as I watch their families organize 5K runs in honor of the deceased. “You could be sad one minute, and the next minute you could be on the floor laughing” Echoes in my head as through social media, I watch the community rally together to commemorate benches, days, and family trips in honor of the deceased. It rings in my soul as I see their first family photos since the accident, the first large family event, and the welcoming of new family members that won’t have the pleasure to meet the deceased on this earthly plane. All the pain, all the tears, the anger, the funds, the heartache of a family, a community, all due to reckless actions taken behind the wheel.

These experiences have instilled in me a firm belief in the transformative power of comprehensive driver education. Driver education is more than just learning how to operate a vehicle. It is more than finally sitting in the front seat and getting to play whatever music you’d like. More than getting a later curfew and more than getting the freedom to go where you’d like, whenever you’d like. It is not merely about teaching individuals the mechanics of driving but embedding a deep understanding of the stakes every time they get behind the wheel. Effective programs emphasize the ripple effects of irresponsible driving, not only on the driver but on passengers, pedestrians, and entire communities.

Driving, much like grief, doesn’t go in a straight line. Everytime every driver gets behind the wheel, they’re faced with a myriad of choices. Choices often so small that we don’t even realize we’re making them. Should I be in this lane, or that lane? Should I take this route or an alternate route? Should I slow down for the wavering driver ahead of me, or speed up and pass them? Every decision made on the road is often made in split second increments. Outside of driving, how often is it that the average person is tasked with life-altering decisions at such a staggering amount? Driver education teaches individuals the tools necessary to best handle various driving scenarios. Much like we wouldn’t trust a doctor or a surgeon to make heart-pounding, life altering decisions without proper education, we absolutely shouldn’t allow the average person to make such split second decisions without the proper education. For all age groups, young and old, Comprehensive drivers education programs emphasize the real-world implications of choices made behind the wheel, bridging the gap between theoretical knowledge and practical application. They teach drivers to recognize potential hazards, manage distractions, and understand the laws designed to keep everyone safe.

Driver education programs provide more than just technical skills; they can foster an appreciation for the gravity of driving. They remind drivers that every action they take—or fail to take—has the potential to save or cost lives. One of the most impactful aspects of drivers education is its ability to personalize the risks of driving. Programs that incorporate real-life stories or testimonials, like those of the families I observed, help new drivers see beyond statistics and understand the human cost of negligence. When it’s humanized, it becomes personal. When it’s personal, we care. Therefore we take preventative action.

The community wide heartache and pain I have observed in the past year has become my motivation to advocate for better education and awareness. It is my hope that with the proper tools, guidance, and motivation, future drivers will make choices that protect not only their lives but also the lives of everyone they share the road with. Encouraging drivers to see driving as a privilege, not a right, will shift attitudes towards promoting a culture of safety and accountability.

Grief, like a math ruler, like driving doesn’t go in a straight line. It is a lasting reminder of what we have lost, who we have lost, but it also has the power to inspire powerful change. Comprehensive driver education serves as a proactive measure, equipping drivers with the tools they need to make safer driving choices and reducing the number of mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings, friends, neighbors, cousins, and communities who must endure the pain of losing someone they love. By investing in such programs, we can honor the memories of those we have lost and ensure a safer future for everyone on the road.

“No Ella, grief isn’t like a math ruler, it doesn’t go in a straight line and normal is different for everyone especially when people are grieving. People are experiencing grief everyday and still getting on with their lives. For others, it is harder.”

Works Cited Credit:

The lines, character names, creative credit, and dialogue used in this essay come from the play Ellamental, written by playwright Dee-Dee Darby Duffin, for educational theater specifically catered to young audiences.