What if I had been more careful?

As a young, 18-year-old driver, who lived at least 45 minutes away from college and used to commute, I was always in a rush. And I would compensate for leaving the house late by trying to shorten the drive. In other words, speeding to get there faster than expected by the satellites above.

Don’t get me wrong, I would never pass the speed limit, but let’s just say I was running on its edge. “Nothing has ever happened”, I thought. “If I’m careful, I’ll be okay”. And I was.

Until one day I wasn’t.

I wouldn’t say what happened was my fault, but I’m confident that I could have prevented it.

It was the first day I had ever left the house on time, and I definitely wasn’t in a rush. But the routine I had adopted unconsciously took me back to my old habits. It was as if I was never even early to begin with.

The one thing I did with my extra 5 minutes was connect my phone to the car’s radio and blast my favorite songs. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to start the day in a good mood, right?

“This was going to be a good day”. “I’m glad I get to be early to class”. Little did I know I wouldn’t even make it.

I was almost there. Class starts at 9:45 a.m. My watch wrote 9:30 a.m. GPS says I only need 7 minutes to reach my destination. I was feeling great. On top of all of that, my favorite song was on, and I couldn’t stop myself from singing along.

9:32 a.m.

I hit a man.

My heart definitely left my chest as I vividly saw the figure lying on the ground, seconds after the side of my car collided with his fragile body. I wasn’t even going fast; I was following the rules.

I was distracted.

My favorite song still playing on the radio, I rushed to the man’s side, instinct taking over my body. I almost didn’t see the people around me. I almost didn’t see the man. I almost killed someone.

“How is this not my fault?”, I thought, as the policeman actively explained that the man was illegally crossing the road right at the turn.

“It’s expected that you didn’t see him”, the officer continued.

“Okay”, is what I said.

‘But I did see him. I just saw him too late. I was busy singing’, is what I wanted to say.

Thankfully, the man suffered minimal injuries and was up and running less that two days later.

“It’s not your fault”, everyone reminded me. “He’s okay”.

But it is my fault. I’m not okay. He could have not been okay. He could have died. I could have killed him.

I didn’t though. But what if I did?

What if I had seriously injured him? What if his family had to suddenly mourn him? What if his children had to bear the news on a random Wednesday afternoon? What if I had to carry that on my shoulders for the rest of my life? What if it had cost him everything? What if it had cost me everything?

What if I had been more careful?

This wouldn’t even have happened.

What if I left the house earlier? What if I was more relaxed? What if I was never in need to rush? What if I paid more attention? What if I wasn’t distracted by the song? What if I had been more careful?

Could I have prevented this?

Who knows if this man was going to get hit by another car? Maybe the one behind me?

What I know, though, is that it wouldn’t have been me who hit him.

Maybe he could have safely crossed the road, or maybe not. But it wouldn’t have been me who hit him.

This statement might probably sound selfish, but can you imagine what an accident like that does to a new driver? I’ll tell you one thing; it definitely got me out of bed earlier.

Being a safe driver doesn’t always mean just following the rules. It also means you have to be alert, awake, present at all times. You have to have a strong reflex, quick thoughts. You have to be mindful of everything and everyone around you. You have to eliminate all distractions, even if it means deleting your 9 a.m. Beyonce session.

The man may have been wrong to cross the road at that point, but I would rather be cautious in avoiding other people’s mistakes, than blaming someone for something I would carry for the rest of my life.