Mindful Driving

Mindful Driving

One hand on the wheel, the other around my girlfriend’s shoulders, passing cars like they were going out of sight, and laughing about just being alive! Of course, the few beers we had had probably contributed to our euphoria. We were 16, free, invincible. A drunk driver had killed my best friend’s brother, but that would never happen to us.

Somehow, I escaped my youth without a serious accident. I don’t know how; we were reckless. On a wet road, I had one scare, going too fast around a corner and spinning out of control, going backwards into the ditch on the other side of the road. A metal fence post came through the passenger door and missed my girlfriend’s right knee by inches. I wish I could say I was scared straight and drove safely from that moment on, but that isn’t the case. If anything, it encouraged me and proved my fallacious trust in a benevolent universe, or at least my good luck.

I learned to drive recklessly by watching my dad. Often drunk, always fast, and consistently disregarding my mother’s pleas to, “slow down, be careful, let me drive, the kids are in the car!” I don’t know how he survived either.

I took driver’s education in high school, but only after I had my licence, and only to reduce the insurance premiums – it was the 80’s after all, and driver’s ed courses were relatively new. In an Icarus-like fashion, I disregarded the rules of the road and any admonitions to “drive safely, or else.” I watched the requisite videos of accident scenes, with the ever-present sheets pulled over “dead” bodies, and during breaks in the training, laughed with the others about the ridiculously faked movies.

I became a safer driver when I adopted my first son, who was four-years-old at the time. It might be okay to put myself in danger, but it was not okay to wantonly risk the life of this precious child. For me, it took this change in perspective to make me a better driver. I became an even better driver when I learned meditation and became able to monitor and control my inner state.

I’ve now introduced four of my children to driving, and I like to think they are good, defensive drivers; at least, they are while I’m in the car. I’m not sure how they drive when no one’s watching, but none of them have had an accident nor received any traffic tickets. I’d also like to think that they learned how to drive safely partly from watching me. However, I know that the real difference was taking a driver education course for the right reason – learning how to drive safely – rather than just as an insurance reduction. My kids tell me stories about some of their friends or acquaintances who have already received tickets or had accidents, and when I ask, most of them haven’t taken a driver’s education course. This is all anecdotal, of course, but I’m sure there must be a correlation.

The steps I take now and that I taught to my kids are simple: drive defensively, courteously, and humbly. Driving defensively means being aware of your surroundings and anticipating what other drivers may do. It means assuming other drivers will not follow the rules and will do stupid things. Driving courteously means giving other people the benefit of the doubt, understanding that they may be having a hard day, so why not yield to them? If they cut you off, imagine they did it by accident, not to bug you. Don’t tailgate and make them nervous and more prone to mistakes. Driving humbly means not antagonizing others with your actions and not engaging with aggressive drivers who are looking for a fight; don’t even make eye contact with them, and apologize if you’ve made a mistake.

I don’t think trying to scare people into driving more safely works. In addition to teaching the technical skills necessary to drive well, I think we need to teach people mindfulness. Driving safely comes down to attitude. A person can have all the knowledge and ability to drive well, but if he, she or they is arrogant, angry, upset, or simply distracted, an accident may occur.