Guardian Angel

Car accidents are the perfect scenario to capture the essence of the phrase “a deer caught in headlights.” Because those words never ring truer when fight or flight fails and you freeze for that one moment when the calm drive you thought you’d have drastically changed quicker than you can process.

I remember the day when I thought my life would never be the same again. When the woman that was the shoulder I cried on, the laughter I dreamed of, and the home that I reminisced of, suffered from a car crash. Having the misfortune of an absent father meant that my mom needed someone to lean on when the realities of motherhood became too harsh. My grandma was always that second figure in my life that I could hug after a long day and her signature bergamot perfume was always what greeted me when I hid from the world in her arms.

My grandmother always loved perfumes. To this day, I can smell the powdery strong fragrance that tickled my nose whenever we played dress up. Rows upon rows upon rows of bottles glistened and beckoned for me to come and dissect every note.

My grandma was most likely draped in one as she prepared to leave her countryside house and visit my school recital. It was winter and the sun slumbered behind the hills for longer each night. I was sleepy myself until I got the fateful call that my grandmother ran off the road trying to avoid a deer in the road.

That was the day I knew what adrenaline was.

I can hardly remember the rest of the night as the only thing that sticks to my memory is the face of my mother and her white knuckles that scrambled for balance on my shoulder.

Fast forward eight years later and I became the one with white knuckles, struggling to find calm and think straight. I had just gotten my driver’s license and nerves wracked my frame. I never wanted to drive but coming from a single-parent family, I had to find ways to provide for myself and alleviate stress from my mother.

I was leaving my house to go to work. Perfume wafted through the air as I sat at the traffic light waiting to turn left. The hot summer air meant that the AC was blasted on high, swirling the scent of apples throughout the car. However, as the breeze skimmed the hairs on my knuckles, I shivered and reached to turn the air down.

That was when the light turned green.

Distracted by fiddling with the air conditioning, I shakily pushed the car forward while glancing between the road and my monitor. Struggling as cars honked, traffic loomed behind me, and the journey marked my third time traversing large intersections on my own.

My eyes were down for just a fraction of a second before the horn of a large eighteen-wheeler truck vibrated through my ears and broke through my consciousness.

I swerved wildly, narrowly avoiding the stream of traffic on the other side of me.

I gained control of the vehicle just in time.

The rest of the car ride was spent in a solemn silence.

The only thing I could think of was how lucky I was and how much I just wanted to make sure that never happened again. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized the parallels between myself and my grandma so many years ago. I wondered if she felt her heart drop and eyes widen within the span of a second.

From that point on, I recognized how little habits I thought were meaningless could turn my life around for the second time. I realized how important it was to plug in directions, adjust the stereo, and fiddle with my car’s climate before leaving my driveway.

After that day, I took it upon myself to break the bad habits I had started and even took a course to further my driving education and make sure I could prevent anyone from feeling the devastation I did or the helplessness that froze me during my own driving scare. And on top of that, I use my phone setting to automatically alert my loved ones that I am unavailable when I’m driving to eliminate any chance that I get distracted. In my daily drive now, I know that I can spritz myself with my grandma’s favorite perfume and leave the house safely because of the preventative measures I take before setting off to take on the day.

Thank you, Grandma, for being my guardian angel.