End of the Road: Learning from Loss

Getting a drivers license was always something I looked forward to, because it meant freedom. I dreamt about the day that I’d be able to drive myself to the store for a late night snack, or pick up a friend and go anywhere our hearts desired. However, that excitement and longing quickly vanished when my friend Annalise was tragically killed by her drunk friend, who drove them into a ditch in the dark of the night. I remember that being my first time realizing how dangerous the roads could be. Annalise was a few years older than me, and I’d met her at an acting camp I took during the summer as an eleven year old. I was the youngest one in the camp, most of the other girls being around fifteen, and I was also shy. Neither of these facts helped my ability to make friends. Quickly, I felt lonely and nervous as the older girls were all talking and laughing. They had things in common that I didn’t, they talked about boys and Instagram and makeup, and I wanted so badly to fit in, but I was too young. You can imagine my excitement when at the end of the first class, Annalise approached me to ask if I wanted to come to Starbucks with her and the other girls. I tried not to show it, but I was beaming. I accepted her offer as casually as I could, and ran to the car to ask my dad who was there to pick me up. After some begging he allowed me to go, only for twenty minutes though, as he emphasized. Annalise didn’t know it, but she made me feel an acceptance and belonging that I’d longed for, and for the remainder of her life, I looked up to her, and in ways I still do, even in her absence. She spoke so softly, laughed so gently, walked through life so gracefully, and above all, she treated others so kindly. There wasn’t a single bad bone in her body. It’s these qualities that make her loss so tragic and her story so profound.

After what had happened to Annalise, my dad and I wanted to make sure I was doing everything possible to prevent a similar dangerous situation, so once I’d received a learners license, he bought me driving lessons. Having a professional teach me how to drive was extremely informative, reassuring, and built my confidence on the road. Additionally, learning proper driving skills at the beginning of my driving journey formed positive habits that I carry with me to this day. Driving lessons taught me essential preventative measures to avoid dangerous situations, such as assessing the behavior of other drivers and managing the uncertainties that come with being on the road. I learned to avoid frustration by accepting that I cannot control traffic, bad drivers, and many other factors. I believe that if all drivers were to partake in proper driving lessons, the number of accidents and deaths could be significantly reduced. It’s the same reason a soccer team has a coach—you wouldn’t just send a group of untrained players onto the field and expect them to perform well. So why do we do it with untrained drivers?

I think the most significant factor for the amount of accidents that occur, is a lack of patience. People are in such a rush to get to where they need to go, that they do things like speeding or making risky turns. People decide that driving drunk is more convenient than waiting for an Uber or a cab because no one thinks it will happen to them. I think one way of fixing this is by opening people’s eyes to the brutal reality that it can happen to anyone. If people heard stories from family members of car-related death victims, or survivors, they would start to see these tragedies as more than just a statistic. Another suggestion is to have these people speak in schools. If youth are aware of these dangers ahead of time, they will be much more cautious when they start driving.

When it comes to my own driving, I am very responsible. I am sure that people feel safe when in my car. I’ve been in cars before where all I want to do is hop out and walk myself home instead, and it’s a very unsettling feeling. It scares me how many people I have met that are okay with driving drunk or high. Any time I’ve heard someone planning to drive under these conditions, I have tried my best to talk them out of it, even offering to pay for Ubers. I’ve been called a buzzkill at times, or a worrier, and I will always accept that title as long as it means everyone gets home safe.

About two years ago my friend and I were involved in a car accident. My friend was driving and the woman who hit us held full responsibility for the crash. We were very fortunate that no one was seriously injured as it was at high speed and close distance. My friend and I both ended up with minor concussions, however she also got a third degree burn on her arm from the friction of the airbag. It was an extremely shocking experience to say the least. I knocked out for a few seconds and was very confused when I woke up to the sound of the car’s horn blaring and the smell and smog of thick, black smoke. The accident had occurred because the woman who’d hit us had been distracted by her phone, as she admitted.

This situation once again reminded me of how many people take risks, never thinking something could happen to them. The issue is, that when you decide to take a risk on the road, you’re subjecting others to potential danger as well, not just yourself. Driver’s education, combined with patience, are the two most significant factors in enhancing road safety. Proper education equips drivers with essential skills and knowledge about laws, defensive driving techniques, and hazard awareness. Patience, on the other hand, helps drivers make mindful decisions, reducing impulsive actions and reactions that can lead to accidents. Together, these elements create a safer driving environment, ultimately leading to less driving related incidents every year.