Wasted Focus

They say “it won’t happen to me, I am careful” I don’t know who they is, but they were wrong. You are not invincible; anything could happen to you at any time within this lifetime. As an example, people will drive with phone usage, or drink and drive. All classified as distracted driving, and its life. Distracted driving is a real thing, 66% of people have admitted to using their phone while driving. 43% of people drink and drive under the influence. Both of those percentages in a perfect world would be zero. Rancho Santa Margarita, named top ten safest cities in America. November 5th, 2018, 6:08 am, the day, the year, and the time my life would completely change course. Little did I know, this day that was once an average Saturday morning, would turn into the worst day of the year, every year, for the rest of my life. My best friend, my dad, riding his bike, was hit by a DUI driver, at 8:03 am on a Saturday morning. He was on life support, and he died two days later from his fatal injuries. Most twelve-year-olds don’t experience their dad being murdered. I was always a daddy’s girl. He had three daughters, and I once bought myself a shirt with my birthday money that said, “favorite daughter”, and once I grew out of it, I had to come to terms it would pass to the next sister. We were all the favorite daughters. I took the grief to another level; nobody tells you what happens after your dad dies. There is no map or guide for what to do. I was twelve, the oldest of three, my mom instantly becoming a single mom, and I felt like I needed to be another parent in my household. I didn’t know how to deal with grief, I didn’t know what would come next. My dad was a fire captain; I would never get to go to his work to hangout and color with him while visiting at the fire station again. Who would take me to the daddy daughter dance? Who would teach me how to drive when I was sixteen? He wouldn’t see me go to my first prom. Who is going to walk me down the aisle? Grief took a toll on me. Finding a way to heal from grief is not a straightforward process, it often feels like trying to find a light switch in the dark or coming to a fork in the road with no idea where to go. Each step forward is accompanied by uncertainty. Grief trapped me in a bubble, a dark cloud of sadness that felt inescapable. It cast a shadow on my life where everything I did and everything, I saw reminded me of sadness. For years I lived in the dark, or what it felt like to live in darkness. When I turned 14, and entered high school, grief was hard on me. The thought of my dad never seeing me accomplish anything ever again was a challenge. Finally going to court and seeing my dad’s killer to give my victim impact statement, I finally felt like I accomplished something for my dad. A murder sentence in the first degree with implied malice. How would someone prepare their child for that? We got justice; my dad got justice. Grief was a challenge that will never heal, but it does get easier. There was a point in my life where I found that light switch and I switched it back on. I found which path to go down. I was given a great opportunity to join an amazing high school where I was also blessed to be on the cheer team for all four years. I have had many service opportunities, and I always try and focus on what makes my dad proud. Grief took me on a journey but that didn’t stop me from getting stronger. Grief doesn’t heal, that hole in my heart will never be sealed, but I came out stronger on the other end. Everyone and their own body have decisions. I can’t make decisions for people, but I can share my story and what happened to me because of someone else’s irresponsible decisions. To prevent harm and death within this topic, everyone has to step it up themselves. I can share my story, share my testimony and use my voice to prevent drinking, drugs and driving. If I could change one person’s thoughts, I can change plenty more.