CREWs control

My dad got a driving game when I was in 3rd grade called Crew. Over the course of years, I accumulated several hundred thousands of game dollars by committing various criminal acts instead of following the preset storyline, because I wanted as many fast and shiny cars as possible. Everytime I hit a virtual fence, cackled maniacally while fleeing Johnny Law, or flew down game highways, my parents’ faces would pale slightly as they muttered how I’d never be allowed to drive. Now here I am, a decade later, with my own license, car, and a clean driving record. I’ve driven on snowy mountaintops in the Pacific Northwest, overnight through the entirety of New Mexico, and along treacherous Texas highways. When I first started driving, my biggest obstacle was feeling unsure of what I would do when faced with challenges on the road. I drove scared and so I put myself in danger every time I was on the road. The only way I and other teenage drivers can get over that irrational fear of “what if?” is to keep driving. Obviously, I had no reason to trust in myself and my abilities since I had limited life experience in driving, but I drove anyway. With every successful trip whether it was to the store or a mini road trip down I-35, I gave myself a reason to trust in myself, my driving savviness, my road IQ if you will. It’s natural to be afraid, human even. But I’m a firm believer that fear of the possibility of failure can’t be our sole reason for not doing something. We’re more powerful, more capable than we give ourselves credit for.

That said, there is a fine line between driving confidently capable and driving like an impulsive prick. Teenagers fail to recognize initially that as they grow more independent, that their actions come with real world consequences. Through Crew, I quickly realized that my little joyrides of chaos were too costly to be a regular undertaking. Rather than buying new cars or specialized terrain packs, I was having to shell out my hard earned cash for car repairs, and the occasional bounty fee when I got caught. Admittedly, I had more financially responsible mentors than a video game, but there was always a ghost of that reminder every time I got behind the wheel. To further that, my parents made it apparent that whatever trouble I got into, it would be up to me to get out of. Looking back, I’m grateful for it because in a time when many of my generation fall short knowing they have a safety net, I have prided myself on never putting myself in a situation that would require me to pull myself out of it. If anything, I find myself learning from my peers’ mistakes. I listen to their stories with an empathetic ear as I subconsciously alter my driving ever so slightly. It’s subtle, but it’s a good way to remain sharp as a young driver, is to converse with other drivers your age and stay true to what you know works while learning what doesn’t.

I wouldn’t say I’m a good driver, I still have a long road ahead of me with lessons to learn and experience to gain. I’m not bad either, I’m defensive and I’ve never put others in danger when they’re on the road with me. My parents who were there from the beginning, who saw me go in cautious circles around a parking lot, have admitted in quiet shock that my style is safe and intuitive. We are the drivers of the future. It is up to us to reshape how the roads are driven, and how cars are used. We can do this together, by being a support system for one another by sharing our stories, whether they’re comedic or horrific, because that is how we grow, is through discomfort. It’s important to pay attention to everyone’s story, regardless of how long they’ve been on the road because everyone has an experience to contribute and learn from.

I still haven’t finished Crew if I’m being entirely honest. It’s yet another story left unfinished, waiting for me to finish the next chapter. Maybe it was that game, or falling asleep in the carseat knowing my parents would get us home safe, or my own wild soul’s sense of release but driving has become my ritual. I’ll take the slightly longer route getting home, curate the playlist to match the exact mood before setting off, and always offer to drive friends and family. I love driving with my heart, but I’m painfully aware of the risks as many people around me have been unfortunate enough to be in accidents. There is a certain risk with driving, one that’s higher for teens since we’re just starting out. But it can also be seen as an opportunity. We don’t have to be the horrible drivers everyone expects us to be. Or we can. As long as we grow and get better. We’re a crew, even if we don’t all know each other, and crews always have each other’s backs.